hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
