he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
