I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
