Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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