a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
