you would pick up someone in the library
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
