I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
