white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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