I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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