Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
