He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
