If i come over, it means nothing
I faked an abortion last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
