My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
