So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had sex on a roof
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
