I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
