forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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