You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
