I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
