The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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