I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
