Please, let me fuck your mom
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
