Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
