If i come over, it means nothing
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
