The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
