i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
