Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
