I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
