Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
