This is not my ceiling
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
