i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
