I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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