dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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