I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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