you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
