Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
