I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Couch. On fire.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
