Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
