Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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