Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
