haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
