I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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