Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
