Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
