took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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