oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
