was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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