TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
