I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
