6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
