I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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