3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
