hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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